Really really cannot get this song out of my head. She is such a stunning vocalist. Her slight accent just kills me. And the lyric is lovely. This is from a movie that I highly recommend (for those of you who can handle a fair chunk of cursing). "Once" is the title of the film and I found it highly encouraging and inspiring. If for no other reason than to find out that music like this exists. I first watched it nearly 6 months ago and still have a few of the tracks rolling around in my head and passing through my lips while I wash the dishes after supper. Enjoy.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Up
Who knew that Pixar could bring me to my knees in prayer and thanksgiving, speaking a Word of reminder and purpose and encouragement to my weary heart?
We took the kids to see "Up" on Canada Day. Yes, that's right. All 7. I'm sure the folks near by wondered if they would survive the film when we walked in, or if they'd be able to hear anything over the noise of our raucous bunch. Little do they know that when you don't give your kids a whole lot of Tube Time, when you do sit them in front of something, they sit. And listen.
Except of course for the 6 year old who at one point nearly screamed "I'm scared because this is scary!" That was a bit distracting.
Regardless, despite my friend Bethany saying that she welled up with tears in "Up", I came unprepared. I, too, found myself with lump in throat within minutes of the opening scenes. And several times in the middle too.
I did mention this is by Pixar, right? Animation? Yup. Real tear-jerky. Or at least, you wouldn't expect it to be. But they told a story. A real, moral tale. Quite lovely.
Without wrecking the whole movie for those of you who have yet to see it, let me just say this: it is a movie about following dreams and pursuing adventure.
Now hear me: I am not one to say "follow your heart" or "be true to yourself" or "listen to your feelings" because I know the heart is deceitful above all else (Jer.17) and have found that to be true in many cases in my life, as I have followed after what "felt right" and been nearly irreversibly damaged by it.
Still, we all will agree that at times there burns in our soul a dream or a desire to do something of import. Something memorable. Something that will make a difference.
We know, when we are being reasonable, that we cannot all be gold medal olympians. We cannot all be Nobel Prize winning scientists. We cannot all be Billy Graham. And yet we want our lives to count for something.
Here is what I walked away with from "Up" on that note: sometimes our 'dreams' get absolutely in the way of the most important thing that we have been called to do. Our perceptions of what makes a life count are often wrapped up in all the wrong things. Things that are not of lasting worth. Things that are not truly beneficial after all.
Here is what great landscape the Lord has for me to conquer: 7 children whose hearts are malliable and still humble enough to learn from my husband and I. Will I waste this time chasing some other "big dream" or will I take this most precious, generation, world changing opportunity while it is right in front of me?
And with that comes a mountain to scale: my own selfishness as I seek my own desire and comfort above the joy of serving others by doing the menial tasks of my day. Does laundry and meal making seem like grand Kingdom work? No? Then my heart is in the wrong place and my attitude is one of despising the "least of these".
I want to carefully seek out what tasks the Lord has for me. I may never be a name that generations remember outside of my own family photo albums. I may never be someone noted in history books for making a difference. But I can, today, make a difference in the lives of 7 children and one wonderful husband, and in whatever opportunities to serve in my church and community may come up.
Lord, I pray that you would make me faithful in the little things before I expect to be used in the "great" things, knowing that the little things often are the great things in your eyes. And help me to remember that these busy years of parenting will vanish far quicker than I know, and then I will have years of "retirement" to work for You and to serve Your kingdom in ways I am unable now.
I wish I could find a video to go with this, but for now I hope these lyrics speak to you about what I am fumbling to express.
Kingdom Comes
by Sara Groves
When anger fills your heart
When in your pain and hurt
You find the strength to stop
You bless instead of curse
When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home
When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
We took the kids to see "Up" on Canada Day. Yes, that's right. All 7. I'm sure the folks near by wondered if they would survive the film when we walked in, or if they'd be able to hear anything over the noise of our raucous bunch. Little do they know that when you don't give your kids a whole lot of Tube Time, when you do sit them in front of something, they sit. And listen.
Except of course for the 6 year old who at one point nearly screamed "I'm scared because this is scary!" That was a bit distracting.
Regardless, despite my friend Bethany saying that she welled up with tears in "Up", I came unprepared. I, too, found myself with lump in throat within minutes of the opening scenes. And several times in the middle too.
I did mention this is by Pixar, right? Animation? Yup. Real tear-jerky. Or at least, you wouldn't expect it to be. But they told a story. A real, moral tale. Quite lovely.
Without wrecking the whole movie for those of you who have yet to see it, let me just say this: it is a movie about following dreams and pursuing adventure.
Now hear me: I am not one to say "follow your heart" or "be true to yourself" or "listen to your feelings" because I know the heart is deceitful above all else (Jer.17) and have found that to be true in many cases in my life, as I have followed after what "felt right" and been nearly irreversibly damaged by it.
Still, we all will agree that at times there burns in our soul a dream or a desire to do something of import. Something memorable. Something that will make a difference.
We know, when we are being reasonable, that we cannot all be gold medal olympians. We cannot all be Nobel Prize winning scientists. We cannot all be Billy Graham. And yet we want our lives to count for something.
Here is what I walked away with from "Up" on that note: sometimes our 'dreams' get absolutely in the way of the most important thing that we have been called to do. Our perceptions of what makes a life count are often wrapped up in all the wrong things. Things that are not of lasting worth. Things that are not truly beneficial after all.
Here is what great landscape the Lord has for me to conquer: 7 children whose hearts are malliable and still humble enough to learn from my husband and I. Will I waste this time chasing some other "big dream" or will I take this most precious, generation, world changing opportunity while it is right in front of me?
And with that comes a mountain to scale: my own selfishness as I seek my own desire and comfort above the joy of serving others by doing the menial tasks of my day. Does laundry and meal making seem like grand Kingdom work? No? Then my heart is in the wrong place and my attitude is one of despising the "least of these".
I want to carefully seek out what tasks the Lord has for me. I may never be a name that generations remember outside of my own family photo albums. I may never be someone noted in history books for making a difference. But I can, today, make a difference in the lives of 7 children and one wonderful husband, and in whatever opportunities to serve in my church and community may come up.
Lord, I pray that you would make me faithful in the little things before I expect to be used in the "great" things, knowing that the little things often are the great things in your eyes. And help me to remember that these busy years of parenting will vanish far quicker than I know, and then I will have years of "retirement" to work for You and to serve Your kingdom in ways I am unable now.
I wish I could find a video to go with this, but for now I hope these lyrics speak to you about what I am fumbling to express.
Kingdom Comes
by Sara Groves
When anger fills your heart
When in your pain and hurt
You find the strength to stop
You bless instead of curse
When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home
When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Wow-ful Women Wednesdays
Happy Dominion Day! Let's celebrate some Wow-ful Canadian Women today shall we?
Let's start off patriotic and emotional and overwhelmed with happy happy. Gotta love a Gold Medal Olympic Moment.
And this Wow-ful woman is highlighting her wow-ful man. Do you remember this from CBC TV commercials? Seriously, instantly takes me back to my days in Selkirk, Manitoba.
But on a more "Dominion" note, I will end here. This is my prayer for our cities, and our nation. Happy Canada Day! (I know they aren't Canadian, but Commonwealth counts, right?)
Let's start off patriotic and emotional and overwhelmed with happy happy. Gotta love a Gold Medal Olympic Moment.
And this Wow-ful woman is highlighting her wow-ful man. Do you remember this from CBC TV commercials? Seriously, instantly takes me back to my days in Selkirk, Manitoba.
But on a more "Dominion" note, I will end here. This is my prayer for our cities, and our nation. Happy Canada Day! (I know they aren't Canadian, but Commonwealth counts, right?)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I Could Have Been Rich!
Who knew that it was so easy to make a pile of cash? And I mean a fairly decent pile of cash. Look at these financial incentives that are being offered to kids today.
If you can stay in school, smoke free, you can earn $5K. That's $5,000. Seriously? Wow. I could handle that. I never smoked in high school. I could have had $5 Easy Grand. Sweet. Direct from the link above, this is how the program works:
In order to be eligible for a financial REWARD each youth must:
1) Stay Smoke Free
2) Graduate High School
3) Sign up sponsors who will commit to donating about $25 a month to the REWARDS Foundation.
If you are a youth and you want a chance to earn some money towards college, university then sign up and put in the effort of finding sponsors. The world is a competitive place. We give you the tools, and you put them to work. This is the first lesson in how to create a successful life.
Oh, so the money doesn't grow off trees. I have to find sponsors who will pay $25 a month to the program to pay me not to do something I should be smart enough not to do anyway, especially since purchasing cigarettes at a high school age is ILLEGAL. Getting paid to not break the law. Nice. I can do that.
Then there is this option: Money for Nothing
The article sites that there are school boards who pay students more than minimum wage to attend "Learn and Earn" Workshops after school (formerly called "detention"? or "Extra Credit"?) and that other school boards were handing out $100 or Flat Screen TV's for passing grades. Let me tell you, outside of OAC Algebra and OAC Calculus, I was a straight A student. I even rocked Phys. Ed because I could write a wicked awesome test which balanced out the fact that I couldn't dribble worth nothin' (unless you are talking about trying to drink out of a pop can while walking. I ace *that* kind of dribbling to this day).
And finally, one more Take the Money and Run option for students: Just Don't Do It
This program pays girls ages 12-18 $1 a day to, wait for it, not get pregnant. Say what? So abstinence teaching is a bad thing, but paying them a dollar to be "smart" about their, um... "extracurricular activites" is a good thing? Some girls have earned $2000. Really? Wow.
Okay so clearly these days I would not be making much cashola on this program. In fact in the last 10 years I'd have only made $1690 out of a possible $3650. Man. Talk about sacrifice. But in High school, between these 3 programs I could have walked away with enough to pay for my full 4 year degree. Sweet. Forget getting a job and being taught financial responsibility and a good work ethic and some measure of moral standard. Let's just bribe kids to good behaviour with some serious coin. (and yes, this may slightly strengthen my determination to continue homeschooling)
As a wise sage once sang "I got change in my pocket goin' jing-a-ling-a-ling". Maybe if I had have been born later in human history I could have had some stocks and bonds instead.
If you can stay in school, smoke free, you can earn $5K. That's $5,000. Seriously? Wow. I could handle that. I never smoked in high school. I could have had $5 Easy Grand. Sweet. Direct from the link above, this is how the program works:
In order to be eligible for a financial REWARD each youth must:
1) Stay Smoke Free
2) Graduate High School
3) Sign up sponsors who will commit to donating about $25 a month to the REWARDS Foundation.
If you are a youth and you want a chance to earn some money towards college, university then sign up and put in the effort of finding sponsors. The world is a competitive place. We give you the tools, and you put them to work. This is the first lesson in how to create a successful life.
Oh, so the money doesn't grow off trees. I have to find sponsors who will pay $25 a month to the program to pay me not to do something I should be smart enough not to do anyway, especially since purchasing cigarettes at a high school age is ILLEGAL. Getting paid to not break the law. Nice. I can do that.
Then there is this option: Money for Nothing
The article sites that there are school boards who pay students more than minimum wage to attend "Learn and Earn" Workshops after school (formerly called "detention"? or "Extra Credit"?) and that other school boards were handing out $100 or Flat Screen TV's for passing grades. Let me tell you, outside of OAC Algebra and OAC Calculus, I was a straight A student. I even rocked Phys. Ed because I could write a wicked awesome test which balanced out the fact that I couldn't dribble worth nothin' (unless you are talking about trying to drink out of a pop can while walking. I ace *that* kind of dribbling to this day).
And finally, one more Take the Money and Run option for students: Just Don't Do It
This program pays girls ages 12-18 $1 a day to, wait for it, not get pregnant. Say what? So abstinence teaching is a bad thing, but paying them a dollar to be "smart" about their, um... "extracurricular activites" is a good thing? Some girls have earned $2000. Really? Wow.
Okay so clearly these days I would not be making much cashola on this program. In fact in the last 10 years I'd have only made $1690 out of a possible $3650. Man. Talk about sacrifice. But in High school, between these 3 programs I could have walked away with enough to pay for my full 4 year degree. Sweet. Forget getting a job and being taught financial responsibility and a good work ethic and some measure of moral standard. Let's just bribe kids to good behaviour with some serious coin. (and yes, this may slightly strengthen my determination to continue homeschooling)
As a wise sage once sang "I got change in my pocket goin' jing-a-ling-a-ling". Maybe if I had have been born later in human history I could have had some stocks and bonds instead.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Wow-ful Women Wednesdays
Alright. So I'm feeling increasingly inadequate as a blogger as everytime I log in I realize that the last time I blogged was last Wednesday. I'm beginning to wonder if I ought to change the whole name of this blog to "Barbara's Wednesday Blog". Less pressure.
But, as usual, I digress.
Let's assume that today is a new start. Let's assume that starting today, I will blog x times per week. See? I can set goals. I bet I can even keep that one.
Lame.
Truthfully though, I feel like I have an inadequate little bit of opinion on many topics that I would like to hash through in greater detail. Lucky you, you get to read my dissertations as I solidify my beliefs. *snort* Plus I'd like to get back into the habit of writing, a past-time I adore and find highly beneficial to the ol'mental burden. Now to do it for real! Now to get to know my own opinions by putting them to virtual paper, and to get to know you by reading your comments (hint.hint)where you should feel free to suggest topics or questions or scriptures or poetry to discuss in this very forum. Oooh. Almost like I'm an intellectual or something. I'll stir up my 12 remaining brain cells and see if I can remember the meter pattern of a haiku. Or a Petrarchan Sonnet. (did she just name drop an obscure poetry form? Yes, yes she did. Bonus points!)
Next! Okay, so a song for today that lines up with my new and improved Bounteous Blogging. Plus it has to be really good, because my friend Tim told me that sometimes he doesn't get what I find wow-ful about some of my picks. Shameful, that.
Surely today he can't complain. And neither can you. This is longish, which sounds like a disclaimer or an apology, but it is actually a gift to you as she is so.so.good that, long or not, you really ought to listen to it twice! It ties in thematically with my prologue today, and with the need for a really talented, wow-ful woman. There is nothing funny about Diana Krall. That lady is just golden. Stunning really.
Enjoy!
But, as usual, I digress.
Let's assume that today is a new start. Let's assume that starting today, I will blog x times per week. See? I can set goals. I bet I can even keep that one.
Lame.
Truthfully though, I feel like I have an inadequate little bit of opinion on many topics that I would like to hash through in greater detail. Lucky you, you get to read my dissertations as I solidify my beliefs. *snort* Plus I'd like to get back into the habit of writing, a past-time I adore and find highly beneficial to the ol'mental burden. Now to do it for real! Now to get to know my own opinions by putting them to virtual paper, and to get to know you by reading your comments (hint.hint)where you should feel free to suggest topics or questions or scriptures or poetry to discuss in this very forum. Oooh. Almost like I'm an intellectual or something. I'll stir up my 12 remaining brain cells and see if I can remember the meter pattern of a haiku. Or a Petrarchan Sonnet. (did she just name drop an obscure poetry form? Yes, yes she did. Bonus points!)
Next! Okay, so a song for today that lines up with my new and improved Bounteous Blogging. Plus it has to be really good, because my friend Tim told me that sometimes he doesn't get what I find wow-ful about some of my picks. Shameful, that.
Surely today he can't complain. And neither can you. This is longish, which sounds like a disclaimer or an apology, but it is actually a gift to you as she is so.so.good that, long or not, you really ought to listen to it twice! It ties in thematically with my prologue today, and with the need for a really talented, wow-ful woman. There is nothing funny about Diana Krall. That lady is just golden. Stunning really.
Enjoy!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wow-ful Women Wednesdays
Today we celebrate a birthday in our home. My little wild card is 8 years old. She was born on Father's Day at 8:58 am. We quickly called the church and they announced her birth a mere 17 minutes after she arrived. How neat is that?
Her birth has a special place in my heart. When I was expecting her, the original ultrasound told me that she would possibly have Down's Syndrome. Now this was not something I was hoping for, clearly. What I really was not hoping for was the "suggested option" of a follow up ultrasound, an amniocentisis, and the option to terminate the pregnancy. My midwives knew this would never be a consideration of ours and so with us, they prayed that all would go well and that no matter the health of our baby, we would be prepared to love her and care for her as she needed.
And so we prayed. We prayed for healing. We prayed for a miracle. We prayed for peace of mind and strength of character to face the future with grace and boldness.
At one point, my husband had a dream. In it, he walked into a hospital room, and picked up the chart belonging to our unborn child. He opened it up to find one word written across it: resolved. We prayed that this was an answer to our prayers, and continued on in faith asking for the Lord's will to be done.
Then on June 17th our wee girl was born. Perfectly healthy. Perfectly gorgeous. One thing remained: A third fontanelle. I did not know what that meant, but my midwife informed me that it is associated as a marker for Down's. But in her ever reassuring words "But your daughter clearly does not have Down's". She was perfectly healthy and yet with this reminder of what could have been. Or perhaps what was but was healed and resolved. We will not know this side of heaven, yet we remain ever grateful for our daughter who came as she did.
She is my wowful woman-in-training today. This was a song that the Lord used to comfort and strengthen her and I both in those early weeks of sleeplessness and sadness. He was carrying me. He is carrying me. He always will carry me.
Her birth has a special place in my heart. When I was expecting her, the original ultrasound told me that she would possibly have Down's Syndrome. Now this was not something I was hoping for, clearly. What I really was not hoping for was the "suggested option" of a follow up ultrasound, an amniocentisis, and the option to terminate the pregnancy. My midwives knew this would never be a consideration of ours and so with us, they prayed that all would go well and that no matter the health of our baby, we would be prepared to love her and care for her as she needed.
And so we prayed. We prayed for healing. We prayed for a miracle. We prayed for peace of mind and strength of character to face the future with grace and boldness.
At one point, my husband had a dream. In it, he walked into a hospital room, and picked up the chart belonging to our unborn child. He opened it up to find one word written across it: resolved. We prayed that this was an answer to our prayers, and continued on in faith asking for the Lord's will to be done.
Then on June 17th our wee girl was born. Perfectly healthy. Perfectly gorgeous. One thing remained: A third fontanelle. I did not know what that meant, but my midwife informed me that it is associated as a marker for Down's. But in her ever reassuring words "But your daughter clearly does not have Down's". She was perfectly healthy and yet with this reminder of what could have been. Or perhaps what was but was healed and resolved. We will not know this side of heaven, yet we remain ever grateful for our daughter who came as she did.
She is my wowful woman-in-training today. This was a song that the Lord used to comfort and strengthen her and I both in those early weeks of sleeplessness and sadness. He was carrying me. He is carrying me. He always will carry me.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Wow-ful Women Wednesdays
Have you missed this feature? I'm pretty sure I've skipped at least one week, maybe two. But hold on...this is worth the wait. Kind of...
Weeks ago we were at a family wedding and my cousin and friend Katie was wondering how in the name of all things musical have I not highlighted this icon of musical brilliance yet...Okay. Those weren't her exact words...
And since I've made her wait for this long to see this video, I'm posting two equally retro videos today.
First: Tiffany. I Think We're Alone Now. So weird that I used to think that the harmonies and layering in this song were so.fab.u.lous... And yes, that is pretty much just how I danced at school dances...when I wasn't being Janet Jackson of course.
Alright: now kind of saving best for last is my other favourite 'girl' from those days...I'm not ashamed to admit that I used to cry listening to this song. If you know me, you know it often doesn't take much to make me water. Imagine me being, like, twelve and heartbroken by some boy named Brad...or Jason...or my music teacher... Ya. That's messed up.
Weeks ago we were at a family wedding and my cousin and friend Katie was wondering how in the name of all things musical have I not highlighted this icon of musical brilliance yet...Okay. Those weren't her exact words...
And since I've made her wait for this long to see this video, I'm posting two equally retro videos today.
First: Tiffany. I Think We're Alone Now. So weird that I used to think that the harmonies and layering in this song were so.fab.u.lous... And yes, that is pretty much just how I danced at school dances...when I wasn't being Janet Jackson of course.
Alright: now kind of saving best for last is my other favourite 'girl' from those days...I'm not ashamed to admit that I used to cry listening to this song. If you know me, you know it often doesn't take much to make me water. Imagine me being, like, twelve and heartbroken by some boy named Brad...or Jason...or my music teacher... Ya. That's messed up.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Talking to Myself
Three of my daughters apparently take after their mother in the most unfortunate of ways.
Our family had the neat opportunity to attend a neighbourhood 3 on 3 basketball tourney today. What was truly remarkable was the vast array of different responses to this invitation.
My first born was ready to play. She figured out which of her brand new friends would join a team with her, they picked a name for their team, made a logo and matching t-shirts, taught the younger sisters some cheers to do on the side lines and then waited to go stomp the competition. She was not detered in the least by the reality that she didn't actually know the rules to basketball. "I can learn. We'll figure it out. I bet we can still really do well."
That's one response.
Then there was daughter 2. "I'm not playing. I don't think anyone will want to be on a team with me. I'll just cheer. If they don't mind me doing that."
Wow.
Then there was daughter 3. "I can't wait to be a cheerleader! I'm so excited! I'll practice and get it memorized and do it the whole time they are playing." Except then today while the games are going on, despite her mastery and excellence in these cheers, she dissolves into tears of fear because "There are alot of people here I don't know and if I do the cheers now, what if someone sees me and laughs at me. I want to be a cheerleader but I'm just so scared."
Hmmmm.
Then there was daughter 4. She was too busy being the adorable cheerleader doing all the actions, all the routines, while flashing her brilliant smile to care if anyone was watching her or not.
Better.
Then there was daughter 5. She found the chip bowls and stayed there for a couple hours.
Ah yes.
So out of my 5 lovely daughters, can you guess which ones were like me? And which ones were not like me?
Oh yes, I recognized my mother's voice speaking to a 9 year old me when I was telling daughter #2 "Of course they want you to be here. You are an amazing girl. Just have fun and hang out with them. Of course they want to be your friend."
And yes, I felt the stab of irony when I was telling daughter #3 "You don't need to be afraid. Go out there and give it your best. Do the cheers. No one will laugh at you. And who cares if they do? You'll know that I'm proud of you and that you've done your best. No one is even watching you. It is a little self-centered to think the whole neighbourhood will be watching you and you only in the middle of a basketball game. Just go for it. Have fun trying to be brave."
And yes, I sucked my gut in a little tighter when I was telling daughter #5 to use a little more self-control at the snack table.
Some day I'll get it. Some day I will bust out of all the lies and elementary school insecurities that cling on. I seem to recall telling my friends Kate T. and Catherine earlier this year that this would be the year for challenging my self and being brave to do the things the Lord is calling me too. And yet, here I am, kind of still not really pushing myself too hard. I want to be the girl willing to jump in with great enthusiasm and zeal to try the new thing and push my comfort limits a bit. And I want to be the girl who does what she knows she can do full out, regardless of what people might think or say.
I don't want to be a fool, jumping into arenas where I don't belong. And I don't want to be so 'care less' about people's opinions that I stop listening to wise counsel. But I do want, first and foremost, to listen to the Lord, and to do His will, unfettered by fear of man, and unenslaved to weak masters.
But now that I've put this down on virtual paper, and now that you've read it, I'm kind of committed to being brave and trying to obey the Lord in those potentially embarassing areas no matter what.
So, my prayer for this week -- a real small first step: Lord, show me one thing to do that would typically scare me silly that you want me to do for your glory. Then give me the strength to do it. And if we could start with a small thing, I'd be very grateful.
Our family had the neat opportunity to attend a neighbourhood 3 on 3 basketball tourney today. What was truly remarkable was the vast array of different responses to this invitation.
My first born was ready to play. She figured out which of her brand new friends would join a team with her, they picked a name for their team, made a logo and matching t-shirts, taught the younger sisters some cheers to do on the side lines and then waited to go stomp the competition. She was not detered in the least by the reality that she didn't actually know the rules to basketball. "I can learn. We'll figure it out. I bet we can still really do well."
That's one response.
Then there was daughter 2. "I'm not playing. I don't think anyone will want to be on a team with me. I'll just cheer. If they don't mind me doing that."
Wow.
Then there was daughter 3. "I can't wait to be a cheerleader! I'm so excited! I'll practice and get it memorized and do it the whole time they are playing." Except then today while the games are going on, despite her mastery and excellence in these cheers, she dissolves into tears of fear because "There are alot of people here I don't know and if I do the cheers now, what if someone sees me and laughs at me. I want to be a cheerleader but I'm just so scared."
Hmmmm.
Then there was daughter 4. She was too busy being the adorable cheerleader doing all the actions, all the routines, while flashing her brilliant smile to care if anyone was watching her or not.
Better.
Then there was daughter 5. She found the chip bowls and stayed there for a couple hours.
Ah yes.
So out of my 5 lovely daughters, can you guess which ones were like me? And which ones were not like me?
Oh yes, I recognized my mother's voice speaking to a 9 year old me when I was telling daughter #2 "Of course they want you to be here. You are an amazing girl. Just have fun and hang out with them. Of course they want to be your friend."
And yes, I felt the stab of irony when I was telling daughter #3 "You don't need to be afraid. Go out there and give it your best. Do the cheers. No one will laugh at you. And who cares if they do? You'll know that I'm proud of you and that you've done your best. No one is even watching you. It is a little self-centered to think the whole neighbourhood will be watching you and you only in the middle of a basketball game. Just go for it. Have fun trying to be brave."
And yes, I sucked my gut in a little tighter when I was telling daughter #5 to use a little more self-control at the snack table.
Some day I'll get it. Some day I will bust out of all the lies and elementary school insecurities that cling on. I seem to recall telling my friends Kate T. and Catherine earlier this year that this would be the year for challenging my self and being brave to do the things the Lord is calling me too. And yet, here I am, kind of still not really pushing myself too hard. I want to be the girl willing to jump in with great enthusiasm and zeal to try the new thing and push my comfort limits a bit. And I want to be the girl who does what she knows she can do full out, regardless of what people might think or say.
I don't want to be a fool, jumping into arenas where I don't belong. And I don't want to be so 'care less' about people's opinions that I stop listening to wise counsel. But I do want, first and foremost, to listen to the Lord, and to do His will, unfettered by fear of man, and unenslaved to weak masters.
But now that I've put this down on virtual paper, and now that you've read it, I'm kind of committed to being brave and trying to obey the Lord in those potentially embarassing areas no matter what.
So, my prayer for this week -- a real small first step: Lord, show me one thing to do that would typically scare me silly that you want me to do for your glory. Then give me the strength to do it. And if we could start with a small thing, I'd be very grateful.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Wow-ful Women Wednesdays
There is a benediction that makes me well up with tears every time it is spoken over the church: "Now may the God of all hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Wow. The God of hope. Filling me with more of His Spirit so I can abound in His Hope. I wonder about that. Why is it easy to believe in Christ's victory on the cross, but not so easy to cling to hope? And how do you define hope? Did you know that a survey of people said that "hope" is wanting something you are pretty sure you are not going to get? I heard that on the CBC so it can't be wrong. That is worldly hope, not Biblical hope. When it comes to the God of all hope there is a surety and a promise and an absolute there. Not that we will get everything we want, but that He will do everything He says. And what more could you possibly want than that?
Addison Road -- Hope Now.
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm
You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Addison Road -- Hope Now.
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm
You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
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